Ghost Wiring

Your ghost is a light show at night...The river is watching you, at the drive in tonight...

Monday, December 26, 2005

Soundtrack of Our Lives…2004: “I wanted to tell the world a little bit about myself…”

1: Miss Teen WordpowerThe New Pornographers: During my freshman year of high school, I began to write poetry. During my sophomore, I began to write very VERY bad fan fiction stories and some mediocre poetry. By the end of my junior year, I had filled 4 notebooks with very bad fanfic, some mediocre poetry, and 3 screenplays, as well as a computer folder filled with said screenplays, a couple short stories, a couple one acts and some of the best poetry I’ve written thus far. As of where I am now, I have a couple books worth of decent poetry, 9 screenplays and an endless supply of short stories (ok, so some of them are still that old fanfic, but there’s no need to judge.) Needless to say, 2004 was when I found my way as a writer. My friends started calling me Miss Teen Wordpower, and whenever a song needs to be picked for me/dedicated to me, it’s always that one. However, with the all of the impressive amounts of hard drive space I’ve taken up on my computer, my writing is still a form of torture. If I do it, I’m disgusted by what I write (whether it be the quality or the content.) If I don’t do it, my head fills with ideas and I begin to twitch and am unable to concentrate on anything else. “Nobody knows the wreck of the soul the way you do…Miss Teen Wordpower…”

2: Flat Chested Girl From MaynardvilleBobby Bare Jr.: Well, you all read my first entry about this song, I assume, so, I don’t need to go into detail about the content of the song itself. There were times when I felt like the Flat Chested Girl… “No one pays attention to me, no one knows nothing about me.” Oh, I felt so alone for a while…like there was no one who truly cared about me or understood me. “Does anyone think that I’m pretty? ‘Cause no one will tell me, ‘Cause no one is looking at me.” So many of my friends had boyfriends and I didn’t. I didn’t think that anyone would tell me I was pretty because I wasn’t. I mean, my mother said I was but, really whose mother doesn’t? Needless to say, this song made me feel better (and by better, I mean much worse.)

3: Broken AngelHanson: First off…yes, I’ll admit it, I like Hanson. No, I don’t feel guilty about it. If you want to tell me I should then you should talk to Sue Miller. She’s promised me she’d make anyone who made me feel bad about it feel MUCH worse. Anyway, as you may have figured out by this point, 2004 was my year of angst, but bear with me…the music is good, and things will get better in the future. Buying Underneath, Hanson’s latest album, was a total spur of the moment thing for me. I don’t know what I was thinking when I bought it, I just did it. I don’t regret it, though. It was one of my favorite albums of last year, filled with really solid pop tunes, and a much more mature sound than their original, Middle of Nowhere, which I was quite into junior high. “Broken Angel” really seemed to resonate with me in my summer of loneliness. “Broken angel, you gotta learn to fly, get up and earn your wings tonight.” I listened to this every night while I was in Spain. The story of an angel who can’t fly as high as the others…tries and fails, “Even angels die…the lights just fade…It’s so sad, but he’d be so proud…” This was my inspiration to keep going or a while. I’d listen to it every day when I was in Spain. Actually, when I went to study abroad in Cadiz that summer, it was the first time I had been on an airplane in at least 6 years, and my first trip without my parents. I needed to be reminded to get up and earn my wings. And, eventually I did. Over the summer, I found many opportunities to earn my wings. The highlight of my summer was, ironically, being able to go see Hanson with my other mom, Sue and my other brother, Spencer. I really hoped they would play “Broken Angel” but I knew that Zac sang it, and, although he sings great back up vox while playing drums, chances of him actually getting out from behind the kit to sing this one was highly unlikely. They didn’t play the song, but, it was still a good time. I went home and listened to it that night. I couldn’t possibly have been the broken angel yet…I’d had my chance to fly with the other high fliers on golden wings, and I hadn’t fallen.

4: I Wish I Was the MoonNeko Case: “God bless me, I’m a free man with no place free to go.” Summer of 2004, I celebrated the 4th of July on a beautiful beach in Cadiz, Spain. I was with all of the American kids who decided to celebrate by getting very, very blasted on this pristine beach. I sat in the sand, watching them all get drunk and forming a mental bubble around myself keeping the mind altering substances away from me. The night sky was clear, the sand was soft and the water that lapped my ankles was cool and clear. I looked up at the sky and saw the most absolutely pure white full moon. It called to me. I got up from where I was sitting and walked along the water’s edge…far away from the debauchery of the others. I closed my eyes, looked up at the moon and sang this song, to benefit myself more than anyone else. “Last night I dreamt I’d forgotten my name, ‘cause I sold my soul, but I woke just the same. I’m so lonely, I wish I was the moon tonight.” To this day, anytime I want to get out of a situation at night I’ll sing or hum this while looking up to the sky for inspiration. Over the past year, my mother has developed this habit too. Whenever she gets overwhelmed at work, she’ll go into her office and since a verse or two to calm herself. Like mother like daughter, I guess.

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